I laid motionless across my bed as the afternoon sun rays peeked through my bedroom window. I was 13 years old and drowning in sadness. There were chores and school work waiting for me to do, but I just couldn’t manage to get myself up. I’d never experienced this level of debilitating sadness before. I knew the impact of my parents divorce had a role to play in these feelings that came and went. But this was the first time it occurred to me that what I was feeling was deeper than just regular sadness. I was engulfed in depression. I was unsteady, flailing and longed to be secure. A heavy ominous presence encircled my room. I remember the downward spiral of intrusive negative thoughts. One thought after another, full of hopelessness and despair.
Too many things are going on in my life and I feel something bad is going to happen. It’s not fair that that I’m feeling this way. I can’t control it. I can’t move.
Then one divergent thought popped into mind. Go grab that little book. My mother kept books all over the house and there was one in particular that always stood out to me. The front cover was glossy and displayed a monarch butterfly drinking nectar from a magenta peony flower. I decided to read it.
A Hunger for More
As I read through it, one theme kept popping up over and over again. It was this idea of experiencing Jesus by reading the Bible. I became more and more intrigued by this idea and I couldn’t put the book down. I don’t remember if I read the whole little book in one sitting or not. What I do remember, is that after I read it, an intense desire to study the Bible overwhelmed my soul. I wanted to know what the Bible said about Jesus. I wanted the joy and peace that this little book said I would have if I learned of Jesus through the Bible.
As my mind shifted to more hopeful thoughts, the ominous presence seemed to disappear. The dark cloud lifted. I grabbed an old Bible my 6th teacher gave me, along with a journal and pen. I opened it up and I wrote down the first scripture that spoke to my heart.
This experience was a pivotal moment that changed my relationship with God and hence, the trajectory of my life. I’ve continued this practice for years: finding scriptures and writing them down, hiding them in my heart, and sometimes memorizing them. The Scriptures I wrote down in my journal have brought me back to my senses and have kept me grounded in the reality of God’s love and care for me. This practice of daily coming to the Bible and finding gems of hope and encouragement has lifted me up on dark days. This practice would become my go-to when dealing with dark moments. Some people call it a devotional time, I call it my lifeline.
The Value of Being Rooted
“As you therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving.” (Col 2:7)
I share this story because it reminds me of how important it is to be rooted and built up in Christ. Reading the word has grounded me in every season of my life thus far:
As a teen, it lifted me up from the darkness of depression, harmful thoughts, and lies that pounded deep within my mind.
As a single young woman, it gave me a firm sense of my worth and identity in Christ which was often shattered due to heartbreak and a longing for love.
As a married woman, it has helped me to rest firmly in God’s unconditional love recognizing HIM alone as the source of my true value and keeping me level-headed when things go awry.
As a mother, it has encouraged me when frustrations rise and I feel clueless to know what to do best.
In short, it has helped me to not veer too much off course in my journey with God because the word has brought me an understanding of God’s love for me in the midst of the inevitable trials of life.
Give it a Try
It’s been 30 years since that special moment I had with God in my bedroom that sunny afternoon. Since that moment, I have seen, felt, heard, experienced, and known at a deep core level that God is able to deliver me from the darkest of places. He did it that day and He has done it many times since then. I am so grateful for how through that moment of suffering, God showed me the importance of connecting with Him and basking in His unconditional love.
There are many ways to cope with stress and the inevitable trials of life. Yet, I know no other powerful way to dispel the darkness than to recite God’s word quietly or aloud in my heart.
I recommend this to you. Try to pick up an actual Bible where your finger can touch the pages. Start in Psalms, Proverbs, or the Gospels. Write a verse that stirs your heart in a real journal where you can put pen to paper. Write your thoughts. If you can’t bring yourself to do that. Just let Him find you. Be available and willing to let him come after you.
But What if…
But what if you realize how important it is to meditate on God’s truth, but it doesn’t seem to be making much of an impact and you’re still feeling unsteady? What gets in the way of God’s word transforming your heart and making a change in your life? Those are questions to lay before the Lord and have Him reveal to you. But there may be some pretty practical things that are barriers as well. Check out this post and prayerfully consider what resonates with you. Also take a minute to subscribe below, if you want more uplifting content on topics that enhance your life.